December 2011
14 posts
Fuck Horror Movies
Remember when they actually scared the shit out of you?! Like the ring! Bro, I had nightmares about that shit! Now, all horror movies are based on at least one of these two shitty fucking principles.
1- Remake something that was, at one point, actually scary, and FUCKING RUIN IT.
2- take away scary stuff, and replace it with either stupid amounts of gore, or just a lot of stuff popping out to...
Fuck cats
I have shit to do, you scheming fuck. I can’t waste my day playing with you, fuck you. You think just cause your a cute little shit you can get whatever you want. Well, fucking, what do you want? If its not too much work I’ll see what I can do. BUT AFTERWARD IM GONNA FUCKING CONSUME YOU AND HOPE A BIT OF THAT CUTE RUBS OFF ON ME DEAR GOD
.. i hate you.
Fuck Boxing Day
You know something’s fucked up when bitches are cutting each other up over discounted groceries. Don’t get me wrong, sales are fucking dope! But I like my limbs attached to my body, so imma stay the fuck home. Besides, what retards don’t seem to understand is boxing day basically becomes boxing week, and shit’s for sale for like 5 fucking days, bro. So calm the fuck down,...
Fuck facebook captcha's
Sometimes they don’t even fucking work. You’re beyond protecting my posts you son of a bitch, now you’re just not letting me share stuff. Also, who the fuck would ever write these things? They’re most of the time not even legible. Anyways, I’ve prepared a list of things that I think would greatly benefit your website:
1- Fuck yourself
2-
3-profit
Fuck whole wheat
Ever since you and you’re fucking healthy ass came along my meals haven’t been the same. I can’t fucking eat your bread, and your cereal is complete shit now. I mean seriously, it’s like taking everything fun and awesome about cereal, and shitting all over it. Don’t even get me STARTED on pasta. Literally can’t forgive you for that. Thank fuck tho, for our lord...
Fuck Pennies
They literally cost more to make than they’re worth. And cause I’m not a fucking asshole when I buy shit, I don’t give people pennies. So i end with like 60 fucking billion fucking pennies weighing down my wallet, and I’m just like, “damn. I’m gonna fuckin throw you off of skyscrapers and kill every asshole who thought it’d be a good idea to give me these...
Fuck websites that decide not to work
Don’t act like you don’t fucking get off on knowing how pissed I am. As if there’s actually “technical problems” and what the fuck are highly trained monkey supposed to do. fucking learn how to sit?! I don’t have all fucking day to wait you to get your shit together. I mean, I do, but I’ll be bored as fuck, and there’s no food in my house so all I...
Fuck people who sing fast in songs
Bro I only know like half the fucking lyrics. slow the fuck down. How am I even supposed to learn them? Looking them up is shitty fuck reading.
Fuck Sicknesses
As if I don’t have enough problems on my plate. You already make me spend so much money. I need to fucking buy condoms, get shots to prevent your fucking kind from inhabiting me, and I need to fucking eat nasty ass healthy food. I don’t think you understand there’s other shit going on in the world, and I don’t have time to deal with you. However if you give me a sexy raspy...
Fuck White People
Okay so maybe I’m white, but I can go fuck myself for all I care. We’re so fucking dumb. Pizza’s a fucking vegetable? Gay marriage isn’t allowed? How fucking stupid can you get. Also, we all look alike. THERE I FUCKING SAID IT
Fuck Mall Cops
Seriously, it’s basically getting paid to call 911. Take some initiative. Have a fucking gun. Use it. Kill somebody. Then we won’t fucking laugh at you on your stupid fucking lean forward machines. And fuck those machines too. Don’t they realize how ridiculous they look? You’d think today machines would be capable of being self conscious, because everyone makes fun of these...
Fuck Peanut butter.
Unless it’s on the roof of a dogs mouth, it’s fucking useless. It’s literally a piss coloured, chocolate deprived nutella. ITS NOT EVEN REALLY BUTTER. FUCK. Nutella has made you inferior, so please go back to frankensteins fucking laboratory, where freaks like you belong.
Fuck Sporks
There is literally nothing I eat that requires both a spoon and a fork. like, what the fuck? Make Knorks or some shit, THAT could actually have use. Also, You’re not fucking Spock. The names are too fucking close. You know what else they both have in common? STAR WARS IS FUCKING BETTER.
Fuck Decaf Coffee
Who actually drinks that shit? It’s like taking heroin without wanting to get high. Fuck you. Downgrade to hot chocolate, you bitch.